New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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