I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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