I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
you made out with another girl for some wings
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
