dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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