batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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