My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
