I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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