Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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