Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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