strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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