it's like iHOP with fire
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
