i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
