Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
