i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
