my mouth tastes like poor choices
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
