i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
