She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize