her vagina looked like bernie madoff
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
