my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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