i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
