when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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