I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize