I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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