I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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