Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
