You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize