there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We have so much sex to catch up on
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
