tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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