i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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