Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
