She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
