there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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