Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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