I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
