Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
