He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
is wine microwaveable?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize