so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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