I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Randomize
