Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
