So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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