you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
