I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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