she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize