i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We had to coat check the pizza.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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