If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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