So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
