woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
