would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
