u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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