pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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