I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
