i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
