How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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