I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
