fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
