My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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