When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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