Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
