i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
