Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
