She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
