Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
