I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize