Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
