I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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