i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
