It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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