It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
