I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
