He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
