If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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