I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
