Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
