So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
