Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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