the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize