Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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