I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize